We all know how it feels to have fear. We all have it. We all hate it. Fear of losing something or someone close, fear of failing, fear of not being loved, of being rejected, etc.
We can distinguish two categories of fears. First of all situational ones, meaning fear of things that could happen to us or of changes we may want to make (changing job, having a child,…). The second category comprises all ego related fears: rejection, vulnerability, success, failure and so on.
I was surprised to learn that they all come back to one single fear: the fear of not being able to handle whatever we are scared of. It’s not the fear of losing someone, but the fear of not being able to handle it when it happens that makes us panic.
This insight was an absolute game-changer for me. When I feel scared about something that I anticipate could possibly happen to me, I ask myself: if this or that happens, will I be able to handle it? If I don’t get that job, if my partner would leave me, if I lose my clients, if I am rejected – would I be able to handle it? And in 99.9% of the cases my answer is a clear “yes”. I would. It would not be comfortable, but I could handle it.
What a relief.