It’s human to want to fit in. To be understood, share values and feel belonging. Saying yes without questioning.
Often, when making decisions, we get caught up in what others would see as the “right” choice — or what we feel should be done. We seek the decision that will make others say “Yes, I get you”, because it gives us a sense of understanding and safety.
However when our decisions are not in line with our own values, we end up frustrated. I realise that when things are imposed on me, or when I impose things on myself because I feel I should, I feel suffocated. I get angry and in resistance to everything.
I like simple and healthy meals and going to bed early because I start feeling tired when it gets dark (yes, really). I absolutely enjoy restaurants occasionally but I noticed that far too often, I was accepting to go because it felt wrong to say no. That I may reject someone or be judged as weird (it is supposed to be fun, right?). However, most times I said yes when I felt no is that I ended up regretting it – making bad food choices or finding everything too expensive (of course paying for something you don’t want isn’t fun).
Feeling inside before taking a decision, evaluating in how far the option is in line with what matters to us most (our values) or what matters most in a given situation, is a very good exercise. Even if in the end – for whatever reason – we decide to go with what seems right on the outside, we will be clear about our expectations, able to define boundaries (like eating out but going home at 10pm) and avoid unconscious repetitions of undesired situations.
“Don’t compromise yourself. You’re all you’ve got.” — Janis Joplin