We often mistake love for being nice and kind. For accommodating everyone’s needs and desires. For helping where we can, for approving the other’s expressions or behaviours, for avoiding saying “no”.
However, true love, whether for oneself or others, has many faces.
At times, love (or self-love!) finds its expression in calling someone out. In putting a limit to protect your own or others’ limits. In saying stop to keep yourself sane, to keep your children safe. Or to support others to grow.
Sometimes you want to stop the sugarcoating and set the record straight. Even – or in particular – with close ones.
I remember one of my best friends confronting me years ago. We were on the phone and I was telling her how well I was doing. Until she said “Stop it! Can’t you see that you are lying? You are doing like crap. I can’t take it anymore!” I burst out crying. Because she had put her finger in the wound. Because she truly saw me. And because she had enough love for me to tell me.
I was so low, so sad and so lonely. And I couldn’t admit it. I am not sure I would have had the courage to face it and seek the help I needed without her putting me straight.
Love and kindness can find their expression in both, being accommodating and nurturing, and being ruthless. It’s in the moment of an interaction with another that we need to feel what kind of love is called for. What would support us and others most.
“Love is not about making others comfortable — it’s about making them whole.”
~ Dr. Thema Bryant