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What are you not allowing?


When we get angry or irritated with another person, it is likely that their behaviour triggered us. Or something in us.

99,9% of triggers are not caused by what another person is doing or how they are being. They are caused by us not allowing something in ourselves. Something that we may actually have in ourselves but that we strongly try to suppress. And when we see it alive in somebody else, it is very confronting.

When I get angry about somebody being lazy, it might be because I learned that being lazy is bad and that I would never allow myself to be lazy. When the expressiveness of my colleague irritates me, it is likely that I do not dare to be expressive. When I get upset about somebody not being authentic, it might mirror back that I am not authentic at times (and I criticize myself for it).

When you get triggered, ask yourself: What am I not allowing? Where could I dare to be more expressive? Or where am I not authentic?

“We each have our triggers – things that wait for us in the dark.” – Neil Gaiman

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