We often feel not being listened to when we do not get what we want or ask for. And that might be true. But do you really listen???
I am thinking fast and talking fast and whilst I listen to somebody else, the answers and comments start popping up in my head automatically. When I started my education as a coach I had to realise that I am not really listening. I was hearing the other whilst thinking what to respond.
Most times we listen with a focus on what we are going to answer, and not in order to understand and really get the other person. This is not a problem as such, but when we do that, we miss out on a lot of information.
When we truly listen we grasp more than the spoken words. We may understand where somebody is coming from. We may get why they say what they say, and also what they really wish to express or receive. When we are able to do that, we become great listeners.
When your partner says that they don’t really like watching television whilst you sit in front of the TV screen, they may just wish to state that. But when you are curious and listen or ask further, the real message might be that they have the desire to spend more quality time with you.
When we truly listen we do not only avoid misunderstandings, but we get so much more! Really getting another person creates a connection on a much deeper level.
This is not only beautiful, but also highly rewarding, even in a business context. When you truly get your colleague or your client, they will feel heard and understood and you will be able to serve them with what they really need. Or even more than that.
“Listening is not understanding the words of the question asked, listening is understanding why the question was asked in the first place.” — Simon Sinek