We often try to be likable. But the ones who will like it least, is us.
What is this compulsion of pleasing and making everybody comfortable (except for ourselves maybe)?
There is a societal need for certain rules and a decent level of respect for each other. Meaning that we listen, we respect other’s opinions and we try to control our triggers as much as we can.
But that doesn’t mean we are supposed to compromise on our life, on our happiness, on our goals.
More often than not our decisions are based on (at least) a mix of the following:
1. What do I want?
2. How will others like it?
And if we are lucky, we are asking the first question first.
In fact, we often don’t ask it at all. And in particular when it comes to female conditioning, what we (women) want is not a question we learn to ask.
But let’s be clear, truth is, you ain’t for everyone and not everyone is for you. And not everyone will like the decisions you take anyways, even if you try.
My motto for this year is to be unapologetic in my decisions. Not because I am great at putting me and my desires first, but because I am not.
Risking that others disagree or simply aren’t happy with your decisions is a tough exercise. It involves saying no, dropping activities that do not really serve you anymore and, for me, even resting more instead of doing more.
And here’s how I distinguish: when I discover that the only thing that keeps an activity or a relationship going is the energy I am putting into it, without getting any back (in terms of love, joy, money or whatever benefit I am looking for), then it is time to let it go.
Interestingly, in most cases, others seem to care much less than I thought they would. Or they even appreciate my clarity when I say no.
But even if they don’t, remember that your life’s purpose is not to be likable. Nobody cares in the end how likable you have been. What matters is how much you enjoy your life and how true you are to yourself. Because when you are, you are the biggest inspiration to the world around you.
“It’s not your job to be likable. It’s your job to be yourself. Someone will like you.” — Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Announcing the Launch of UNAPOLOGETIC – New Beginnings!
I (Lisa) am thrilled to introduce this empowering program, co-created with my amazing colleague Geneviève Berclaz.
UNAPOLOGETIC – New Beginnings is designed for women who have (or are about to) reached the pivotal milestone of fifty and are ready to shape the next chapter of their lives with boldness and confidence. This is your time to embrace your dreams, live unapologetically, and create your future on your own terms. Join us on this transformative journey and let’s make the rest of your life the best of your life! All details here.