Assumptions set us up for misunderstandings and disappointment.
Why? Because we don’t see the world as it is, but as we are. Our perception is different from anybody else’s. When we assume something, we do that based on our beliefs, our fears, our hopes and the stories we make up in our minds. We assume what is most logic to us.
And yet. It isn’t to everybody else.
Often we assume people close to us know what we want or think. And if they don’t we are upset. We recently had the situation that Filip sent a message that he’s on the way to the supermarket, asking what I want. I was assuming he meant whether I wanted anything special. What he wanted to know is what to buy for the next days and dinners… 😉
We assume different things and do not have the wisdom or courage to ask. Not a drama, in this case… but in many cases drama is exactly what it creates!
As humans we always need to have answers to feel safe. So when we don’t know, we make assumptions. But the real problem is that we do take them for the truth. We think we know – when we obviously don’t.
We assume things like: I can’t change career because I have kids, I won’t get that job because I am not outgoing enough, I can’t afford to take a sabbatical, I can’t move away from this country, I can’t abandon my family over Christmas, I’m expected to work extra hours – everybody else does too… Do you, really? Did you ever check, try or ask?
It happens automatically, often unconsciously. When you do pay attention, you will catch yourself assuming. If you can clarify whether they are true or not, you do no longer have to limit yourself to what you assume to be true.
“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.” ― Isaac Asimov